Okay so I feel like I have been playing house for the last 9 years and now life has hit me smack dab in the middle of my face.
Our Care-free days with one baby!
I have completely enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom since George was born. Yes, it was boring sometimes and I wasted time some times, but mostly I loved the freedom and the peace and the leisure. Then I had another little one and things took me longer, but still very fun. Then I had another sweet baby and things changed. I no longer had any leisure in my life. Everything became a struggle. Nothing was just done and finished and complete, there was always something to do: cleaning, cooking, shopping, reading with the kids, teaching the kids, laundry, callings, friendships to maintain, yardwork, not to mention my own spiritual and physical nourishment and a little fun-yes I like to watch movies and eat ice cream with Steve!
I know I sound like I'm complaining. My life is beyond blessed. I won't even start with the list of things that are great in my life, but somehow over the past week I have literally felt like I can't do it. Steve and I were planning out the week and I felt totally overwhelmed. Work, callings, kids, teaching piano, playing with the kids, family time, temple, date, visiting family & friends, housework, exercise (there is reason that one is listed last.) I seriously had heart palpatations. I felt like a terrible mother and wife-I felt like a failure.
Then I just sat there, something I never do lately, and thought. The thought came to me.........this is exactly what should be happening right now. You and Steve should feel pushed and tired and worn out at the end of the day. This is my job/test to see if I can balance it all and prioritize-making sure the most important things are being cared for first. Then I thought of this sweet lady who was in my ward in Riverton. A story she told me gave me another thought that the adversary doesn't just tempt us to sin, but he tempts us to doubt ourselves. I have heard this before, but haven't ever really felt it and that is exactly what I have been feeling. I wanted to give up and that would mean failing the test and that is what he wants me to do so of course he would tempt me to have those feelings. Well, I'm not going to. Period. I will do what it takes because I have to. I have spent too much time and energy to give up now. Our promised reward is attainable.
Today I have been balanced. Dishes sit in the sink, but Ruby and I played Candyland and George and I worked on homework together. Now I am letting them have wii/playing time for 20 mins and I am writing this down because it is reminding me of my committment to keep moving forward. Life is fantastic, fantasitically stressful sometimes, but fantastic none-the-less. Thanks for reading.
Posts
6 comments:
Michelle, I know how you feel. I LOVE being a mom. Even on it's challenging days. I was made for this. But I wasn't made to keep up with the housework! Because of the set up of our apartment, people from the front door can see if the dishes are done. Toys and a non vacuumed floor, I feel, are very obvious. And there's no way I can keep up with it all. I worry when people come by who I don't feel understand what it's like to be a mom to a toddler. In a tiny place, and pregnant. I just have to tell myself that I'm doing the best things, first. And that I don't answer to them. Just last week I skipped the dishes to play kitchen with Jaxen. It was totally worth it. Good to know someone else feels what I'm feeling. Thanks. Sorry for the long comment. Probably should have just called you. Oh, wait, when do I have time to talk to my friends? ;)
This is totally what I needed to read today. Thanks Michelle!
I love you! A lady in one of my wards a lady said that kids will not remember if the house was always clean, but they will remember if you spent time with them. It isn't such a hard choice now. I feel slightly embarrassed when people come over but if it really bugs them they are welcome to clean it themselves! Keep smiling you're a wonderful mom!
Thank you for stopping and sharing your feelings in this post. I needed this. I've had the same feelings and thought it was just me because I've been struggling this past year. It is so encouraging to hear your similar situation and it gives me comfort. Because I have doubted myself too. Satan is attacking on all sides that is for sure. I love your point about prioritizing and balancing the demands of life. I miss you. I wish we could sit down for a few hours and chat. I really love your honest feelings and I can relate so much. Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind to share that.
In answer to your question about letting Sadie cry it out. One morning she woke up at 5:30 am and we let her cry it out (for about 5 mins) then she fell back to sleep and slept until 9. I really try to make sure sadie is full before she goes down between 8-9pm. Some of Sadie's favorite foods before bed is Spaghetti Os, cereal soaked in milk, so it's soft, like frosted mini wheats, pork and beans, yogurt, a pancake. Plus she gets a whole milk bottle. When she eats well she sleeps so much better and sleeps in. 7 am is the earliest I get Sadie out of bed.
You are so amazing!! Thank you!
ok you read my mind today. for real... can't wait to see you next week :)
I've been having the same feelings lately! That lady in your ward is a wise woman. Thanks for sharing & for this post!
Post a Comment