Okay so I feel like I have been playing house for the last 9 years and now life has hit me smack dab in the middle of my face.
Our Care-free days with one baby!
I have completely enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom since George was born. Yes, it was boring sometimes and I wasted time some times, but mostly I loved the freedom and the peace and the leisure. Then I had another little one and things took me longer, but still very fun. Then I had another sweet baby and things changed. I no longer had any leisure in my life. Everything became a struggle. Nothing was just done and finished and complete, there was always something to do: cleaning, cooking, shopping, reading with the kids, teaching the kids, laundry, callings, friendships to maintain, yardwork, not to mention my own spiritual and physical nourishment and a little fun-yes I like to watch movies and eat ice cream with Steve!
I know I sound like I'm complaining. My life is beyond blessed. I won't even start with the list of things that are great in my life, but somehow over the past week I have literally felt like I can't do it. Steve and I were planning out the week and I felt totally overwhelmed. Work, callings, kids, teaching piano, playing with the kids, family time, temple, date, visiting family & friends, housework, exercise (there is reason that one is listed last.) I seriously had heart palpatations. I felt like a terrible mother and wife-I felt like a failure.
Then I just sat there, something I never do lately, and thought. The thought came to me.........this is exactly what should be happening right now. You and Steve should feel pushed and tired and worn out at the end of the day. This is my job/test to see if I can balance it all and prioritize-making sure the most important things are being cared for first. Then I thought of this sweet lady who was in my ward in Riverton. A story she told me gave me another thought that the adversary doesn't just tempt us to sin, but he tempts us to doubt ourselves. I have heard this before, but haven't ever really felt it and that is exactly what I have been feeling. I wanted to give up and that would mean failing the test and that is what he wants me to do so of course he would tempt me to have those feelings. Well, I'm not going to. Period. I will do what it takes because I have to. I have spent too much time and energy to give up now. Our promised reward is attainable.
Today I have been balanced. Dishes sit in the sink, but Ruby and I played Candyland and George and I worked on homework together. Now I am letting them have wii/playing time for 20 mins and I am writing this down because it is reminding me of my committment to keep moving forward. Life is fantastic, fantasitically stressful sometimes, but fantastic none-the-less. Thanks for reading.
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